Question 153 of 365: What is bad?

Question 153 of 365: What is bad?

I have pretty consistently told others that nothing bad ever happens
to me. I say this becuase of my generally positive outlook on the
events that unfold in front of me. So long as I can see the end of
them or rationilize them in some way, they are not bad.

I can’t see to the end of this at the moment. My wife’s mother died
today. She isn’t my mother, and I wasn’t there when it it happened.
But I see the hurt that is coming, and I can’t get beyond it. Someday
soon it will happen, at least that is what everyone is telling me. But
when my wife calls, there are no words that work. They break in my
mouth, each half waiting for some sort of self-medication to take care
of the muck that this day has been. This hurt isn’t mine because I
didn’t know my mother-in-law but for a few years. But a piece of the
only woman to ever know me died today. And that is bad.

Posted via email from The Throughput


  1. as practically a stranger..
    do i write something and risk invading some sense of privacy of your sadness…
    or do i write nothing and risk you thinking i don't care.

    i'm risking the invasion part.. and apologizing in advance.
    i care. i'm sorry it's bad.

    i know i can't… but i wish i could help your wife in some way.

  2. sef

    it is deeply bad. the world should STOP. some other world just started – a world without – so why doesn't this world stop?

    thinking of you in fragmented reality…may you be preserved from feeling the sharpest edges.

  3. If I'm blogging about it, it isn't exactly a private sadness. Thank
    you, though. It is wonderful to know that you care about the “real”
    things going on in my life as well as all of the technology and
    education ideas.

    Thanks again.

  4. jacquelinecahill

    I am sorry for your pain, for your wife's pain, and for everyone else who is close to your mother-in-law. Death is incredibly tricky with how painful and beautiful it is at the same time. The pain…well that is obvious…the beauty in looking at the individual's life and all who that person touched, connected to, and accomplished…the beauty in a twisted way is sometimes seeing all the tears and black sunglasses. Some things you can't fix, Ben, you have to just be there to support (and I know that is incredibly hard to accept). Unfortunately time doesn't stop, so with how busy your wife is the healing process may need a lot longer than if the world would stop or if she had free time right now. Time is an amazing healer…not that it completely takes away the pain…but it will decrease to where it is bearable. Just know times will come up in the future…that hurt for her…let her feel that…let her grieve. Take care. Let me know if I can do anything to help support your family.

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