I turn 23 tomorrow.

It sounds so young, even to me. Perhaps it is the CSAP in me that has got me thinking about my goals, but I have some enormous expectations for myself. Right now I can’t think of any other way to be.

Expectations before I turn 25 (not hopes, not dreams; things that I know will happen):
1. I will have a child.
2. I will have a master’s degree.
3. I will have a book published.
4. I will have a salary that makes my family’s life comfortable.
5. I will have a cd pressed.

Sitting In Class

When we talk about definition we are implying its opposite. I find that to be a comforting idea. We are never so far away from our antithesis that we can’t see it. We understand that everything is new and old, green and gold. I like dealing with a thought and its opposites. Neither can be more true than the other. This is the theory of Paradoxism. A theory of complete inclusion. This theory is relevent because students are always so certain. They believe what they believe. But, their beliefs are so different, so opposed. Every classroom implies both order and chaos. There is no balencing act that bridges the two. Both are always present. I like that. The bubbling over of engagement and boredom simultaneously. The rutheless questioning and apathy for invitations. The great wisdom and stupidity of choice that my students exercise each day. I embrace it all because I am both student and teacher, both hider from and seeker of learning. I still want to sit in the back of the class and create “situational comedy”. I want to engage in deep discussion that actually goes somewhere. I love this contradiction. These wants are so opposite that they simply scream to co-exist. By this logic, I can honestly say that I both love and hate teaching, and hopefully not sound trite.